Friday.
I'm getting over Hazel, as I hoped I would. Lots of little things like this blog from last November certainly help;
Monday. Really ? Oh yes.Erm, last Monday and Wednesday evening went weight training. That was hard work.Tuesday a day near Mansfield, home late & bought a bottle of red. Thursday into Manchester, home vey late.Friday did a turbo session.Saturday out in appalling rain and wind. To Feckenham. Drip drip drippity drip.Sunday, dry and sunny and even fairly mild !!! Club run to Kenilworth, cafe full.Sunday evening more wine. And once again, Monday. Felt very depressed this morning, maybe the after-effects of alcohol. Sent H a text saying I could get her more money this week, that got a reply. So I am wondering am I being used ?
posted at Monday, December 01, 2003

And was I being used ? You fucking bet I was !
It was almost worth it for all the shagging.
And this evening I'm joined my happy colleagues for a night drinking in the city centre !
Beer ! Smirnoff Ice ! Wahay !
And I had a haircut, life could hardly be better !

Thursday.Tuesday I evening I went to look at LA Fitness, but their off-hand attitude and the fact I had to make an appointmentwith a sales assistant put me off. Went out a look round as I remembered a sports club somewhere around Lifford Lane, and there it was, Lakeside Centre. Going to enroll, excellent !Wednesday I bought 2 bottles of Old Git red, and drank 'em, mmmm tannin taste ! Woke up feeling dehydrated, but not too bad. Must remember to not drink beer in future ! Still feeling an awful sense of loss. Really confusing as I didn't know I felt that strongly about her. Feeling more angry though,and found a DHSS Benefit Fraud website. Now who do I know thats comitting benefit fraud ? Someone using a car providedunder the handicap allowance to carry on a business, that stupid face painting, and earning while recieving unemployment benefit, through being unfit to work. Mo hum. Revenge will be sweet.
Oh and sent a txt saying I was clearing out texts from old Nokia, found all the ones where she professed love & affection, gone now. I don't really want to communicate with her ever again.

Tuesday. Emotionally drained.
Monday off to Dartford, noticed flights from Mexico were delayed. Drank too much.
Tuesday morning posted all the pics back, of her & of us together in Manchester one night.
Wednesday had a text midday saying I'm back, then later a text saying why are you doing this ? Phoned in the evening but no reply.
Called her midday Thursday, hopeful talk. Called again Thursday evening, no replies.
Tried again Friday morning, no replies. Called on the office phone, replied but cut me off.
Had a text then saying cant be lovers anymore, need my own life. I was upset, left customer early drove up M1, over to Morridge, a nice peaceful scene. Pushed the bracelet through her letterbox, awful drive home down M6.
Text midday Saturday saying don't be stupid, lets be friends. That is fucking crap.
Text some nonsene after 2 bottles of red on Saturday night.
Text midday Monday asking if I'm alright, saying she is upset about me, and hurting too.
Replied saying I'm drained. Fuck it all, I will have to forget the evil conniving bitch and get my life back to some sort of normality. I will have to do something to or think of something to be doing to take my mind off all this. Tried reading some of my Gideon Bible over the weekend, no help there. It will have to come from within me, I used to be stronger, I have become soft and weak willed, probably her influence, al;ways seeking the easy way out, looking for something for nothing, a sort of Manchester version of trailer trash really.
Now I can get back to worrying about giant lobsters and the threat they pose.