Wednesday, November 20, 2002

You can all go and take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.
There, thats better now thats off my chest. I don't feel that good today. In retrospect I feel well fucked up in my head. My legs are zinging, which is a sign of growing fitness and strenght, the muscles feel all sort of bulgy. But my brain, I am up/down/up/down. As usual. Well my mother did suffer from bouts of depression, which is where it may well come from in me. Please don't let depression hit me too bad for the rest of this week, I need a clear head for Friday. Or maybe an addled head would dull the pain of what may well transpire.
Wednesday. I feel surprisingly chipper today. Which is odd, I've not taken anything to alter my mind. Maybe it was the endorphins etc. released during last nights 2 hours of fun. The first set of fun was circuit training; 70 seconds exercise then 30 seconds rest, about 12 exercises. The 90 seconds rest, then 70 secs on and 15 secs rest, to give us more time for turbo work. I was soaked in sweat. Then the turbo, 60 secs in medium gear, straight onto 60 in next gear, 60 in biggest. Then a 60 sec rest, then 70 secs the same, then 80, then 90, then 100, then 100, then 120. This must be the hardest turbo session I have ever done. On the 90 or 100 I kept it in the little ring. Then back to the big ring for the 100 and 120. My HR got up to 172 !
On Tuesday eve I drank a bottle of red, met H, then into the bar. For maybe 3 or 4 pints of lager ? I either dreamt I locked myself out of my room and couldn't find the keys, or I actually did. Odd, I had the same dream or reality last week after a heavy session.
On Friday we all have to go an meet Qad people at Solihull, to find out our posssible fate. I won't beleive what happens until it happens. If Qad guy says your future is secure I will worry, if he says we don't know until we see prospects, demand, what we can offer I will incline to believe him. Qad are not making much money and seem only bothered about selling software licences, not consultancy. Ho hum.

Monday, November 18, 2002

I'm so miserable I could shit. Saturday morning had to stay in and look after David. Saturday afternoon it rained. Sunday morning it rained, so fuck it. No going out. Looks like the lads did go and have a good ride out to Stourport. I just felt miserable. Bollocks.
Ever since the crap news of being sold has hit me, I'm at just not interested in anything, except being depressed.