Friday, April 29, 2005

My last thoughts on this subject;
Who took those pictures, and who were they for ?
Was it KiddyDiddler Bill, the 'childrens entertainer' that lives in a cellar ?
I'm having a terrible day, I feel more depressed than ever.
So. This is the result of my life over the past 5 years. I'm on anti-depressants, seeing a psychriatist, feeling bad like I've never felt before.
Thank you Hazel for this.
Or is it down to me ? Should I have stopped it starting again last November ?
Yes. I should.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Went to the pyschriatic nurse this morning, she said I'm on the edge of severe clinical depression, being a total basket case in other words. Got to see doctor again tomorrow. Worried about me continuing working and also going to Greece. Told me I must not drink. At all.
Finding now I am beginning not to care less about Hazel, whether thats the drugs making me more clear, or I am genuinely getting over her, i don't know.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I recieved an email from her yesterday evening, replying to one I sent about going to Athens and being out of touch then. I texted & had a reply. What a sap I am. I sent a reply to her email today saying it was all just a dream. I really can't keep this up. I hoped going to Switzerland would have cleared her out of my system, now 6 months on, I'm back in the same mess, hoping that going to Greece will do the same. Seeing the state of my mind, I really must do something.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Note to self. DO NOT send her any more texts, emails or letters. No postcard from Greece. And when I return from Greece, send her the 'H' and 'M' off the link bracelet smashed into little pieces.
For why ?
She has someone else, I'm sure of it, who else were those revealing pics that I never saw for ?

Monday, April 25, 2005

Is it over? I don't even know anymore. Is it the effect of the pills making more paranoid or what ?