Wednesday.I just don't know. Hazel is professing undying love, and she would like me to buy her an eternity ring. Shementioned that she would like one before her birthday in 2004, but even then there was just a little doubt in my mind about what she wanted from me. And, apart from the money I gave her for Christmas, and the money to helpbuy her car, there was the money I gave her for her holiday in Spain in April, and the bloody expensive watch I bought her for her birthday. So I just don't know. After last summer I think showing that sort of commitment, and indeed spending so much money, would be daft. As I simply don't trust her. She said she would like us to spend some time together, but I am not all keen on spending money to stay with her. So unless I happen to find myself working near Manchester, i'm not going out ofmy way to spend a night in Manchester. She asks where am I working a lot, so she does seem to want to see me. Once again I spent silly money on her at Christmas, perfume, chocolates and the print. Fucking hell. I am such a twat it beggars belief.I am risking so much for some lying woman that I don't fully trust.Bollocks to all that. What was a mistress has become something more. Training ! Gave it some welly with heavy weights last night. Bought Half-life 2, and spent hours loading it as itdid stuff over the internet as it set itself up. Then played it until 01.30 this morning. Then watched telly, This Life ! Myfavourite ever tv drama, from watching it in Rowhill Grange in 1996 ! Driving into London after 2 bottles ofwine ! Exactly 10 years ago I was working as a contractor in Dartford. And what am I doing 10 years later ?The same sort of work, at the same place in Dartford.

Tuesday in Brierley hill.
Well, at least I'm off to Dartford tomorrow afternoon for a day there on Thursday. Last Friday, in the office, in for a sales metting to quote for some custom changes, started at 11.30, then went on without a brak until 18.30. Blimey. So rushed to Asda and bought 2 bottles of red. Home and drank them. Both.Not much on Saturday, a few tins of lager. Dad for dinner on sunday. Helped David put a light in the loft in the afternoon.Monday evening down the gym.

Quite surprised at my resing heart rate; 50. Seeing as apart from a 38 mile slow ride and 2 sessions at the gym, I have done nothing since mid October. Well, apart from a couple of walks
in the mountains, including a scramble to try & get to the glacier coming off the Western side of the Eiger, which was very stupid, but fun.