Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Wednesday.I just don't know. Hazel is professing undying love, and she would like me to buy her an eternity ring. Shementioned that she would like one before her birthday in 2004, but even then there was just a little doubt in my mind about what she wanted from me. And, apart from the money I gave her for Christmas, and the money to helpbuy her car, there was the money I gave her for her holiday in Spain in April, and the bloody expensive watch I bought her for her birthday. So I just don't know. After last summer I think showing that sort of commitment, and indeed spending so much money, would be daft. As I simply don't trust her. She said she would like us to spend some time together, but I am not all keen on spending money to stay with her. So unless I happen to find myself working near Manchester, i'm not going out ofmy way to spend a night in Manchester. She asks where am I working a lot, so she does seem to want to see me. Once again I spent silly money on her at Christmas, perfume, chocolates and the print. Fucking hell. I am such a twat it beggars belief.I am risking so much for some lying woman that I don't fully trust.Bollocks to all that. What was a mistress has become something more. Training ! Gave it some welly with heavy weights last night. Bought Half-life 2, and spent hours loading it as itdid stuff over the internet as it set itself up. Then played it until 01.30 this morning. Then watched telly, This Life ! Myfavourite ever tv drama, from watching it in Rowhill Grange in 1996 ! Driving into London after 2 bottles ofwine ! Exactly 10 years ago I was working as a contractor in Dartford. And what am I doing 10 years later ?The same sort of work, at the same place in Dartford.

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