I really must buy myself an anti-alien-abduction hat. To prevent me from being mind-probed then abducted, by those pesky aliens. They have nothing better to do than abduct hick dumbos from the backwoods of Texas. There we are, minding our own business as humans, and along comes and advanced alien in a spaceship and abducts us.
Arrived in late for an important meeting - I was abducted by aliens.
Came home late and very drunk - I was abducted by aliens carrying out evil experiments on the reactions of a human to alcohol.
Crashed into the car in front - aliens probed my mind so I lost control.
Complete and utter dimwit - Aliens bullied me and continually probed my mind while I was at school.

How to make a quick twenty thousand quid - 1. sue the council for allowing me to be bullied at school which thus ruined my life.
Thats it. What an excellent money making scheme ! Its not my fault that I am a dunce, the council should have ensured that I recieved a proper education, instead of which they allowed me to skive off and hang around the park with Denis shooting at things with an air pistol, and instead of learning physics I learnt how to attach bunsen burners to taps thus making a fountain.
So I am planning to sue the local authority.
More people were killed by islamical nutters because of crap cartoons depicting the prophet Mustapha Shag(may turds fall upon his head).
Friday drank some vodka, also last night. Built up more of my road bike, Saturday started with freezing fog and a general laziness set in. Yesterday started with fog, then turned into rain. Ho hum.