Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Yesterday she rang me after she was sent home because they had no beds. I had my mob on divert as usual. Blimey, thats pretty disgusting. She has to ring them at 7.30 this morning to see if they have any beds, but as the operation is due this morning she is going in anyway, and says she won't budge. i hope it all gets done and she is OK., and everything gets sorted.
Went to Doctors this morning and got a prescription for 1 months supply of anti-depressants. As I'm off to Athens for the rest of June I can't stop taking them, as the withdrawal symptoms are pretty bad. Taking the increased dose seems have lifted my mood, though yesterday was not so good. Whether this is because Hazel said she spent the weekend with a friend in Hull, raising my suspicions once again, but on reflection thats silly, because who am I to care what she does anymore ?
I really hope that spending a whole month away in a different environment gets her out of my head completely. As I hoped Switzerland would have done, but I found myself being pulled back to her, resulting in me buying her an expensive Christmas presents, a ring and an expensive birthday present. I could do with that money now. And gave her my lovely watercolour box and Davids old mountainbike. Will I ever learn ? Yes. I did. A near breakdown was the hard lesson I had to learn. And boy, did that hurt. It still hurts but I am beginning to find the resolve to force her out of my thoughts. I stopped texting her, I will call the hospital later today to see if she has had the operation, but then thats it.

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